Notice from 08:38

dopamine the ladder

It is quite painful at the beginning to let go of a ritualistic dopamine feast. Everyday, something is expected of me. My mind craves for it. Lack of direction from early life is causing this? Not sure. I hate it though since iterations is ”the way.” If not, perfection would mean something else. Perfection, a highly self-acclaimed talent. Yet we can see it in someone. Today I look exactly like what I did yesterday + 1/2 the day before + 1/4 the day before that + ... .

Did my ancestors feel the same way? My brain is too mushy to care after the thought. Indexing it somewhere has become the equivalent of actually pursuing it. Baseline is interesting. You set the baseline, the journey towards it is a “transformation” and what after? Never heard anybody write about it; provokes me to read about it. Not now!

So this hedonic loop, is quite obvious. There’s a name for it in my mind. The up, then down then so on. No end? This is quite common everywhere. The harmony is a statistical observation. We cannot decide where this will be, but can observe it. Law of large numbers. Regressions. The Dunning-Kruger travels like Milky Way does, with spirals along time. Atom-Quarks, System-Stars, ???-Dopamine.

Who are we? What we are chasing. The meaning of life heh?